creative ways of begging

sale

Can anyone explain the math to me? Is this a new form of math?

new Arby's combo

Thanks, but I think I'll pass on the penis. Nothing personal, m'kay?

that poor car

How in the hell did this person fit into the car?

quick trip through drive-thru

The other horse is in the garage.

waiting patiently

Only 2 hours to go.

Fire Grilled Ass

Can you please explain to me how the hell this is even possible? Did Barbrady get a job as one of their cops?

experience needed

It's safe bet there wasn't any applicants. Just sayin'.

tilt

I wonder how long this guy was allowed to operate the equipment, after this.

tons of fun

That poor truck. What did it do to deserve this?

Inflatable date

Considering the typical Wal-mart customer, an inflatable date is probably the best option.

Borat?

I've got that sudden urge to watch Borat again.

Teletubbies all grown up

Since the purple one is allegedly gay, I'd have to call the yellow one an alcoholic.


Yeah, I know......pot. kettle. black. I know the concept. Gimme a couple drinks and I'll be happy to join this bunch.

just a little drink

Contrary to first reactions or popular opinions, this isn't me. I know what you're thinking. I've never been on a subway, before. Buses, yes.

Before any smart ass gets any idea, I've never been on the short bus, either.

Black Superman

Superman's been taking it easy, as of late.

Small is Beautiful

Oh, the irony.........

where's the restroom?

You couldn't just use the restroom? I doubt it was that far of a walk.

straight from the hospital

I doubt any rationale hospital staff would let a patient leave like this. Gotta wonder if he's an escapee from a mental home.

when you have to go......

How long does it take for him to realize he peed in his own gas tank?

Halloween Special

With Halloween coming up, it's important that everyone knows about the next great deal that's coming up.

my pet goat

The can be no rational reason for bringing a goat into a store. I don't care if it is Walmart.

no shirt? who cares?

I realize you could use a few shirts, but really?

The Hamburgler

Hamburgler must've needed to do some shopping after a hard days work.

redneck hunting

Looks pretty typical around this part of the country.

letter from a redneck mother to her son

   Dear Son,

    I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.  We don't live where we did when you left.  Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

    This place has a washing machine.  The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

    It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

    The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

    We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes.

    About your sister, she had a baby this morning.  I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.

    Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat.  Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned.  We cremated him and he burned for three days.

    Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup.  One was driving and the other two were in the back.  The driver got out.  He rolled down the window and swam to safery.  The other 2 drowned.  They couldn't get the tail gate down.

    Not much more news this time.  Nothing much happened.  If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.

Love, Ma

pa won't like it

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey, Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw, come on, boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

beautiful women in West Virginia

What do West Virginians call a pretty woman?

A tourist.

beautifual woman loves gardening

A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"

He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?"

"No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."